the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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