This girl is more easily done than said...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
