hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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