Buhtt sex?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
