Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
