Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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