I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
