Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize