I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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