It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
