Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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