eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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