I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
