I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
