I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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