i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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