My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
