Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
