he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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