dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
