That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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