i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
