Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
