I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So vagazzling was a success
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
