Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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