hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
