i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
smell my finger.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
