i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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