i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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