I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
