That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
