let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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