just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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