Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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