Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's official drugs can't kill me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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