Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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