Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
