The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
