I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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