is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
