I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
