Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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