Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
