Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
