Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
