Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
