I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
