Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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