We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
