i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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