Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
