i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
