Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
