so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
