How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
