He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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