Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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