If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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