did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this will be a night to untag.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
