I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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