Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
