There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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