Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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