Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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