we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
