you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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