i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Those nachos came to me in a dream
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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