my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
