you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
