I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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