guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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