grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Duck Duck Cougar?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
