No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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